Today we had a visit with the counselor. I was in the session too. Definitely no real breakthroughs. The entire session he looked down and picked at his fingernails. Everything is someone elses faults and there is no real acceptance that his behavior causes the negative outcomes in his life. I just do not get how someone can be so ignorant of how their own actions can destroy their life. He did reveal that he did think that I loved him. That is amazing. Most times he lets me know just how bad of a parent I am and how much he hates me. To hear him say that I do love him is one step in the right direction.

We spoke about our altercation regarding brushing his teeth and how we can diffuse the anger before it gets out of control. I admitted freely that I too am quick to anger and that I need to learn to walk away and not try to win or feel every fight is completed. Come to find out, with the help of Ron (LCSW), there is a huge realization that we were not even fighting about the same issue. My issue was personal hygeine and wanting to know the countless thousands of dollars we have spent on orlthodontics will not be wasted. His fight was not wanting to be controlled. He simply wanted me to say it once and let him decide if he wanted to brush his teeth.  I know the whole issue of brushing his teeth sounds so juvenile but it is demonstrative of the bigger issues we have. How do we live in a family situation where the adult is responsible for the juvenile without having a relationship that does have levels of control?? Do you just let your out of control teen remain out of control?

We were intructed to stop the next time we get into an argument and actually write down what we were fighting about. This is to clarify the issue, fight about the same thing, know what we are fighting about, and to stay on topic.  We both started to laugh, not sure if we can do that. But…I am willing to try it.