I truly have to admit that I just want to give up 90% of the time. I feel so frustrated and angry that I have to deal with a child that is so out of control. I am at a loss of what to do. Counseling seems to be a slow process that may likely end up in wasted time. Why is my son this way? Why did I receive this burden? Why can I love someone so much but have hatred for him at the same time. I just want him to let me be a mother and nurture him as a mother should. He pushes me away, is verbally abusive, has no decision making skills, is angry and dangerous. I pray for help, I pray that someone will help me. I don’t know how long I can survive with this knot in my stomach waiting for something bad to happen. I am on the verge of tears all the time. I am exhausted. I stay awake until I know he has gone to sleep. Many times I only get 2-3 hours of sleep a night. I survive on caffeine and sugar loaded foods. I am feeling myself slip into a depression. How long can I take it??? How long can I continue to subject myself, my husband, and my other children to this??

My counselor told me that I might have to look into state help with foster care or institutionalizing him. He would not stay regardless of where he was at. He would leave and continue his downward spiral into a world that he can not even comprehend. Today he told me that he hangs out with older guys because he is more mature than his peers. Mature??? I would say that he is more inmature. He has friends that are as lost and angry as he is. They have no committment to anything other than getting high and living life for today.