In the wee hours of the morning last night after another temper tantrum from my son I actually felt positive feeling from my child.

My husband caught him taking pictures of himself naked with his cell phone, he barged in on him in the bathroom and that is wrong but I will have to deal with that another day.  I deleted them and saw that he has pictures of girls exposing their breasts and pcitures of marijuana on his phone also. Anger got the best of him and he told me he was moving back with his father. I told him I loved him and wanted him here. He left but did come back. He threw his little debbie fudge rounds at me (did not hit me) for not giving him his phone and he left again.  Leaving him alone as his counselor suggested was my game plan. Give him time to diffuse his anger and let him come back when he is ready.

He did come back around 1 am. He was VERY angry. I whispered when I spoke and said we needed to be quiet so we don’t wake up the baby and eventually he did bring his tone of voice down. Amazing!! that actually works. I told him my concerns of the naked pictures and my concern over the marijuana pictures and the implications it could have for him and myself. Of course the angry beast reared its head again and we decided to have him take a drug test. This was a test that uses saliva. You have to rub it on the cheeks and tongue and then hold under your tongue until there is a flow of saliva on the test stick. It was really more difficult to get enough saliva than I imagined. It did come out negative. That of course made him happy and I apologized for assuming he was using drugs. We began talking and we ended up talking for about 1 1/2 hours. The entire time he had me scratch his back and rub his head. This child wants to have physical touch and be close. I want to give him that too but his anger and rages make it very hard to give him that.

I am so overjoyed that I was able to connect with him last night. I am so exhuasted having to get up early with the baby but I have to look at is as an infant coming home from the hospital. It is going to be really tough at first with the sacrifices but in the end it will be worth every second and more. I am not giving up.